I'd Get With Levi Johnston

No STDs, No WMDs

2008-10-23T17:25:00.001-04:00

Just clicked on an article with the headline "JOHN MCCAIN: 'I HAVE BEEN TESTED.'"

'Cause come on, that's a little bit hilarious. What I found in the article wasn't.

Instead of a ridiculous story about Johnny going to the man-gyno, I found this video by Aaron Hodgins Davis. It is well-done, illuminating, moving, hideous, and absolutely worth watching.

ATTENTION EVERYONE:

2008-10-16T15:07:00.001-04:00

Thank you. That will be all.

Another Palin Baby

2008-10-16T11:44:00.000-04:00

Securing a name for your baby isn't always as foolproof as you'd think. When my grandmother was born, her father chose the name Ellen for her, after his twin sister. The priest wasn't listening too carefully, and christened her Helen for all eternity. Coco Chanel lucked out; her lovely surname was a mistake--someone forgot the Z in Chaznel and changed her family name forever.

But at least no fraud was involved there. Yesterday, in Tennessee, new father Mark Ciptak depended on drugs and trickery to name his daughter. A McCain supporter, the dad hoped to name a newborn son after the Republican candidate. When a little girl popped out, the mother was relieved and eager to name her Eva Grace, their agreed-upon moniker. But dang those birthing drugs! After momma fell asleep, Senor Sneak rolled into the nursery and completed the paperwork, naming his daughter . . .

Sarah McCain Palin Ciptak.

"Nailin' Paylin"

2008-10-14T12:26:00.000-04:00

The first official Palin porn has arrived, sure to delight all those Joe Six-Packs out there! Now that's American. It's being produced by Hustler (ooh, legit!) and will feature fancy American flag pins, big guns, and, are those . . . "54Ds"?

Crazy Christian

2008-10-13T17:48:00.001-04:00

Just read this insanity on W.'s imdb page: "Christian Bale was initially cast as George W. Bush, and even underwent weeks of prosthetics tests before filming began. However, he withdrew from the production at the last minute."

Who would have thought? In a million years, I'd never guess that Bush and Batman could be one and the same!

Levi Speaks!

2008-10-13T17:35:00.000-04:00

Though he was advised by the 'Publicans to avoid the press, our rebel hottie redneck decided to go on ahead and tell some reporters what he thinks about life. Aw, he drives a red pickup! Aw, he's having a boy! Aw, he kinda hearts Barack! Aw, he has a BlackBerry like me!

Not aw: He hates animals. He's dropped out of school and now works in the oil fields of Alaska. Which is really sad. The Palins, who bring in about a mil a year, would have no trouble supporting a baby for the 6 months between it's birth and Levi's graduation. They couldn't help out for awhile he gets his high school diploma?

Maybe that's why he's not voting McCain/Palin in November . . . and not because he didn't register to vote in time!

If You Are From Albany, Do Not Be Scared!

2008-10-11T17:00:00.001-04:00

Albany, the capital of New York but apparently a little bit ghetto, printed a number of absentee ballots listing the Democratic candidate as "Barack Osama."

Are they for real? Is the state copyeditorless? Is this more ballot-tampering? Cause that is so Bush Administration.

Flair of the Week!

2008-10-10T14:36:00.002-04:00

My fave new Facebook flair. Thanks Crystal!

Sarah "Cs & Ds" Palin!

2008-10-09T16:58:00.004-04:00

Here is what many believe is Sarah Palin's actual high school report card. It's very likely true . . . prob not a whole bunch of Sarah Heaths in Wasilla, Alaska, and grades she got at age 18 aren't likely to be too damaging, and therefore not worth the effort of fabricating a fake. After all, look at Bush! Please note that her lowest grade, a nasty D, is in foreign language! I don't understand this . . . she has so much foreign policy experience. I mean, she can see Russia from her house!

But I had to publish, because . . . I am conceited, and this r. card is from the week I was born! What what! (Click to make those Cs bigger!)

The Sad Truth

2008-10-09T11:52:00.002-04:00

Let me be the first to admit, I feel bad for Sarah Palin. On Monday I got my eyebrows done, and it had been so long, I thought they were going to charge me double to clean up that mess. I am also obsessed with skincare. I wish I had realized this sooner and paid attention in science classes, become a dermatologist, and made mad money, but alas, I did not. Now my dermatological thoughts remain, essentially, hoping people don't look to closely when my skin is in a busted condition.

Hence my Palin pity. But therein lies the ultimate truth. Palin's skin is not in a horrible condition, her eyebrows don't have too many strays . . .in short, she looks normal.

Sarah Palin is 44 years old. She is (supposedly) a politician, not a country singer or Oscar-winning actress. She posed for Newsweek, not Glamour. There is no reason for her to look like a 22-year-old rising ingenue. Ingenues don't fatally wound animals for fun.

Yes, the photo is unflattering. But Palin and her supporters (watch this fight here) need to accept that that is what she actually looks like. And if Carrie Bradshaw could survive it, I think Sarah Six-Pack can too.

Guess We're NOT Friends

2008-10-08T17:56:00.001-04:00

Earlier today, Senor McCain gave a speech meant for 38 years ago. Listen for what he says in place of "My fellow Americans" near the end.

Minus one point for Mickey for showing his obvious senility. Plus one point for Sarah for almost revealing her shock--love the slight eye-widening and look-away!

Peace Out Tina Fey?

2008-10-08T16:32:00.000-04:00

I mean, Alec Baldwin, who fears the Repubs like any IHB (intelligent human being), is getting pretty good at the Palin wink! It turns out imitation is the sincerest form of "Go the fuck back to where you came from."

Listen for, "I didn't realize she was hot until you did the impression."

More Paris, Version Hilar.0

2008-10-08T15:51:00.000-04:00

Hard at work on the campaign trail, Fake Candidate Paris Hilton, accidentally nominated by Unfortunately Real Candidate John McCain, gives us a little insight via FunnyOrDie.com. Best parts: the eloquent use of fo-po and Martin Sheen's "Loves it!"

Donkey Cuffs and Baby Hugs

2008-10-08T13:43:00.000-04:00

Wow, Obama is totally killing with the youth vote. Too bad these little fools can't cast those votes for about 17 years.

Check out some 'Bama babies, here at Yes We Can (Hold Babies). While the pandering for donations for the blog is a little craze, the concept is as incred as Biden's cuff links.

We Heart This Book

2008-10-08T13:16:00.001-04:00

While busting through the maze that is Borders at Columbus Circle last night, something made me stop short. Then laugh my ass off. Then quickly slink away, as I was surrounded by strangers, and uppity ones on the Upper West Side at that.

The reason for my distraction/inspiration? Third Term: Why George W. Bush (Hearts) John McCain. The book was released in in September, and features some of the best back-cover art I've seen in awhile: Everyone's favorite choking-on-a-pretzel-while-watching-football good-ol'-boy President embracing the mortgage-buying, "my friends"-chanting, former "maverick" again and again. So sweet! But my favorite part is the fact that McCain can rest his head so perfectly on Bushie's shoulder, like they're on a date in a '60s TV show.

James Carville says: "If you're one of the 20 percent of Americans who love George W. Bush, you'll love John McCain. If you're one of the 80 percent of Americans who don't love President Bush, you'll love this book."

Angels in America

2008-10-08T11:59:00.003-04:00

Two of the most beautiful photographs to come out of a political election in decades.

The way these children, unaware of politics and going solely on instinct, react to Barack Obama should be considered a crucial barometer for how we measure a future leader.

Send This Commenter Some Flowers

2008-10-07T12:52:00.000-04:00

Just read an average, run-of-the-mill campaign story about Sarah Palin visiting Nebraska to try and drum up some voters, which shouldn't be too hard in a red state. Piece was fine, not too exciting, etc. But I liked the comment response.

The story had 517, and nearly every single one of them skewed blue. Here's a sampling:

"My son, a 6th grader, was laughing when he listened to Sarah Palin's answer about the newspaper."

"The McCain/Palin events are starting to look and sound more and more like Klan rallies. All McCain needs is a white sheet and a pointy hat. Palin already has a pointy hat—a dunce cap that is." (Okay, this one is ridic but hilar.)

"Does anyone imagine a Sarah Palin would have actually earned the nomination of the Republican Party had she run with the rest of the pack? How John McCain could have risked the security of America and the world with such a brazen and reckless mind as hers is bewildering and beyond comprehension."

"Three days of negative attack on Obama and the polls are going up for him. What does moosemama have to say about that?"

"John McCain is behaving like a trigger happy soldier."

"I don't know why so many are criticizing Sarah Palin. After all, this chick has helped the OBAMA ticket pretty well. Send the lady some flowers!"

"I would be willing to bet the farm McSame didn't know Palin had a pregnant teenage daughter or son who was constantly in trouble . . . The reason we are not reading about Biden in the paper is because he was thoroughly vetted. All we have is that he used someone elses words once and didn't footnote it. That is not interesting enough to read in the National Enquirer."

"Too bad McCain didn't chose a woman with a measurable IQ."

"Vote for the guy with one house."

"You lost this election McBush and that country bumpkin sidekick of yours. Even I don't sound like that and I'm from Texas."

A Pitbull In (Permanant) Lipstick

2008-10-06T17:08:00.001-04:00

Somehow I missed this incred story last week. Apparently, it's possible that Sarah has engaged in a little Mikey J.-esque plastic surgery. I mean, who cares if Biden got Botox? Everyone gets Botox, and I will for sure be on that boat in 20 years.

But Pale-Pale opted for something a little different: TATTOOED-ON LIPLINER.

Amazing! The Huffington Post gathered some pics spanning at least three years, in which she wears the same peachy-cognac shade of liner. How '90s! They also took a poll--47% of the respondents were convinced by the photos.

Also, the initial tip came from Wasilla! How refreshing--even if it's not true, at least peeps up there think she's ridic too! And, not to be outdone, McCain has hired the same makeup artist as Clay Aiken! Hope he doesn't catch tolerance or a belief in equality from those brushes!

"She Blew Me Off" Is The Technical Term

2008-10-06T12:21:00.000-04:00

A little Tina Fey, a little Palin-bashing . . . all you need on a Sunday morning. Here, Gwen Ifill and others watch some SNL on Meet the Press and talk about Thursday's debate, in which, Ifill says, Palin "more than ignored her" and the rules of a debate. Essentially, she says, Joe Biden decided he was going to debate John McCain, and Sarah Palin decided to just give a speech.

But at least Joe answered the questions! David Gregory says Palin's strategy was to be rhetorical and not substantive. Gwen also mentions how transparent Palin was, actually telling the audience that she wasn't going to debate. She's undoubtedly trying to live up to her favorite M-word here, but please, let's pray that Americans know that in the face of an international crisis--or a banking crisis like the one we're suffereing from now!--you can't just give a 9/11 speech and walk off the stage and consider yourself victorious.

And Palin Was Her Name-O

2008-10-02T17:28:00.004-04:00

Less than four hours 'til the Sarah Spectacular! So everybody, spray your hair up, pick up some booze so that you can stand it, and print out your Palin Bingo cards!

It's gonna be a wild night.

Head of Skate

2008-10-01T14:52:00.000-04:00

Matt Damon said the whole Sarah sitch is "like a really bad Disney movie. The hockey mom from Alaska . . . is the president."

The fools at CollegeHumor decided to film a trailer for said Disney movie.

Ergo, Head of Skate.

It's almost not even funny cause it's so close to the truth.

Uniquely Unqualified

2008-10-01T14:21:00.000-04:00

Here's today's roundup of interviews in which Sarah Palin shows the world it's gonna be scary of her ticket is elected. I have newfound respect for Katie Couric. She's very skilled at handling Palin, always sweet, but never lets her get away from the question--which generally translates into reminding Sarah that viewers are aware of the fact that she is talking and talking and never answering. In this clip, Palin can't recall the name of a single periodical she reads, and eventually tells Couric she reads "all of them."

You heard it here, ladies and gentlemen: Sarah Palin reads every magazine, newspaper, and website ON EARTH.

Later, James Carville, on AC360, raises the question of whether or not Palin is even interested in national issues. It's a simple and illuminating question: If Palin had the ability to look within, would she even want to leave her position in Alaska? Or would she really rather just be governor? Truthfully, we almost never hear about Illinois, Arizona, or Delaware.

Does Plain think she's running for Alaskan Ambassador to the Continental U.S.?

Idealogical Kool-Aid Drinker or Corrupt Toad?

2008-10-01T12:47:00.000-04:00

Which one are you? In this clip, Bill O'Reilly freaks out, literally screaming about the bailout and calling out Chris Dodd and Barney Frank. This fool is heated. But don't point a finger at him, or he'll "break it off."

Bale vs. the Bailout

2008-09-30T15:20:00.000-04:00

Here's a little Dark Knight/State of the Union action for you. Love it!

Image: Bruce Wayne worries about the plummeting DJIA and what it means for shareholders.

Separation of Church, State, and Witchcraft

2008-09-30T10:56:00.000-04:00

This video, shot in 2005, shows our dear Sarah Palin undergoing a service that, um, protects her from witches! Awwwwesome. As an added bonus, the church where it's happening does not pay taxes.

Although, hell, maybe it worked. Remember, in 2005, Sarah held no government position whatsoever. She lost a run for lieutenant governor in 2002, the year in which she ended her stint as small-town mayor. She then chaired the Alaska Oil and Gas Commission for a couple years, then God knows what she did until becoming governor in December 2006.

Or maybe God doesn't wanna know, if it was hunting witches.

Sheepdog

2008-09-29T17:55:00.001-04:00

Just found this cartoon online. Yikes.

No Foriegn Policy Experience, But She Does Speak . . . "Gibberish"

2008-09-29T17:54:00.002-04:00

After last week's impassioned and genuine Late Show, in which, as we've all seen by now, David Letterman abandoned all pretenses and told us what he really thinks about the McCain camp, it seems that a lot of analysts and journalists have also decided to say, "You know what? This isn't funny anymore." (Conservatives, too, as I've mentioned below.) Even Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's brilliant portrayals of Sarah Palin and Katie Couric feel a bit more horrifying than humorous after this sobering thought occurs to the viewer: The girls didn't write this skit. Sarah Palin actually reasoned that, hey, you can see Russia from Alaska and "I'll look it up and get back to ya." It was just there for the taking.

A coworker, fortunate enough to be released from work at 3:00, just IMed me from home and said that he "just listened to Fareed Zakaria on CNN just really sum it all up about Palin." While the video link is not up yet, there is lots from Zakaria from this past weekend, including his Newsweek commentary "Palin is Ready? Please," and this Q&A on the piece.

Though a fan of McCain's, Zakaria bluntly admits that Palin "has simply never thought about these subjects before and is dangerously ignorant and unprepared," answered Katie Couric in "gibberish," and "has never spent a day thinking about any important national or international issue."

Our country just ran out of money. And okay, while I exaggerate a bit (case in point) it is absurd, especially now, that Zakaria isn't.

UPDATE: Here's the clip, Zakaria with Wolf Blitzer. I like how he essentially says any financial success Palin's given Alaska is from spreading out money earned by digging holes.

This Is What We're Risking

2008-09-26T15:59:00.003-04:00

This picture, taken in Alaska, is so beautiful. It almost makes me wish Sarah would get a low-tier job in Washington where she will be endlessly overridden and can do no harm. Then maybe they could be safe.

Conservatives Turn Intelligent

2008-09-26T13:29:00.001-04:00

Though I'm always wary of being too optimistic, especially in times when people are talking of a second Great Depression and without irony, I think McCain may have truly set himself back a bit this week. His "suspension" of his campaign seems to not have accomplished what he hoped; he will be appearing tonight at the first presidential debate; and Sarah Palin is losing a bit of her charm now that the novelty is wearing off and people are actually listening to her in interviews.

This has become evident by an increase in op-eds written by conservatives this week. It's exactly what we need to be seeing: People going beyond party lines, unafraid of being called "flip-floppers," realizing that we are in a dire situation and it's critical to make the right choice in November, no matter how uncharacteristic it may feel. This is not your average election, and we as a people need to look beyond black and white, red and blue.

Here are two enlightening pieces, one by former proclaimed Palin supporter and conservative columnist Kathleen Parker, who, after seeing Palin's recent TV appearances, has enlisted her intelligence and openmindedness to allow her to retract her support.

The other is from Wick Allison, lifelong conservative and editor in chief of D Magazine. Yes, the D is for Dallas, and yes, that is in Texas. But he begins by saying "Barack Obama strikes a chord with me like no political figure since Ronald Reagan. To explain why, I need to explain why I am a conservative and what it means to me."

Somehow, in the delusional political climate of the last decade, Americans were taught that voting for or agreeing with one thing and later changing your mind is a bad thing.

It is never wrong to critically reconsider something and decide what you think is right. Circumstances change; and the ability to recognize that and take action for what you believe in is far more important than stubborn, detrimental commitment.

McCain Can't Multi-Task

2008-09-25T11:24:00.001-04:00

This video is perhaps the most necessary viewing material to come out of the past few weeks. Yesterday, as part of McCain's movement to "suspend his campaign," he canceled an appearance on The Late Show With David Letterman only hours before it was set to tape.

Letterman, a longtime TV personality and essentially, broadcast journalist, abandoned the entertainer/non-biased interview side of things and told audiences what he really thought: That he was "more than a little disappointed by this behavior," that it was scary that McCain did not trust Sarah Palin to handle the campaign in his absence, and that it was frightening to think that McCain could not handle two things at once, giving the impression that he could just quit on obligations while serving as president.

McCain called Letterman personally, saying that he was racing to the airport and "going to go save the country." The senator, unaware that most TV studios have satellite TVs where employees can watch other network programs being filmed, was seen only a few minutes later getting his makeup done on the set of the Evening News with Katie Couric, and not "racing" to D.C. at all.

Guest Keith Olbermann summed it up bluntly: "I think he dissed you." I think he disrespected all of us.

Cybersexy!

2008-09-18T16:07:00.000-04:00

Email some Palin semi-hotties:

Track: track_44@hotmail.com
Bristol: bristol_palin@hotmail.com

Tell her to send us Levi's! Full story about the Palin email leak, complete with screenshots, here.

Odds of John McCain (Rest In) Peacing Out

2008-09-18T11:30:00.000-04:00

Though I loved the Matt Damon interview where he brings up some hilarious and frighteningly relevant points, there was a slight flaw in his speech: Unlike the character that made him famous, the real-life Will Hunting messed up the math a bit when he said there was a one in three chance of McCain dying while in office.

In reality, the odds are closer to one in six. This piece, published on Portfolio.com this week, used the same math insurance companies apply to determine premiums. Which means it is pretty dependable, accurate, and widely accepted. Here are a few horrifying comparisons:

"To put the question into a more helpful context, let's look at everyday events that have about the same odds as soon swearing in President Palin:

-On your next try, pulling a red M&M out of the bag.
-That your birthday falls on a Wednesday.
-That, during a full inning of a Major League Baseball game, one of the teams hits a home run.
-That the next car you see will be black."

The entire piece is definitely worth reading. Some of the things less likely than a President Palin are shocking.

For All You HP Fans Out There . . .

2008-09-12T12:52:00.001-04:00

My coworker Jen just came up with this gem:

"Does anybody read Harry Potter? Sarah Palin kind of reminds me of Umbridge."

If only schoolchildren could vote!

30-Minute McCain

2008-09-11T22:31:00.003-04:00

This started out as a different post. It was to be entitled "Second-Worst Hour of TV Ever." My thinking was that John McCain's appearance on Rachael Ray's talk show tomorrow was second only to Retch having Sarah Palin on. I somewhat loathe Rachael Ray, and can imagine few tortures worse than being in that audience on that imaginary day.

But the more I imagined the scheduled show, the more I softened toward McCain. He looked so tiny beside Obama at the World Trade Center site this morning. No one can take away the fact that the video of him as a thirtysomething P.O.W. is touching.

I do not want this man to be president of my country. But at times he can seem to be, on his own, redeeming. I feel this way when I look directly as President Bush; the emptiness, the lack of anything sharp behind his eyes lend a sort of innocence when you take him out of context.

Is it possible that in the past few weeks, McCain has stumbled upon a benefit to himself by positioning himself alongside these two shrew-like women, who, like Joe Biden recently said, can be viewed as "a step backward for women?" Watching a fading, old soldier sit through an hour with Retch is undoubtedly more tolerable than having to watch, and worse, listen to, her and Palin try to out-attention-grab one another. (As a side note, both women's Wikipedia pages have had the editing function disabled for the month due to vandalism, generally a sign of much contempt toward their subjects. Neither Barack Obama's nor John McCain's are currently locked.)

I still will not watch the show due to my aversion to the host. But with Retch's large audience of middle-America women, will it be worrisome if McCain comes off as sweet? Or will he simply seem like a red-state grandfather no longer as powerful as he once was?

"Live From New York . . ."

2008-09-11T17:55:00.000-04:00

Election season always seems to bring out the best, or the worst, in SNL . . . sometimes that shit is hilarious, sometimes you turn on the TV 10 minutes late to avoid that really boring skit of some dude behind a desk.

But producer Lorne Michaels is no dummy (he must be voting blue!)—it looks like he indeed intends to cash in on the frequent comparisons of Sarah Palin to Tina Fey. Though truly, Sarah is not as pretty as Tina, and I would say that even if she did believe in pterodactyls.

When asked outright if Tina would return to the show to play Alaska's governor, Lorne responded with, "There are discussions. They are ongoing." Perez Hilton suggests Amy Poehler play Bristol.

To which I say, bring back Jimmy Fallon! Levi, Levi, Levi!

Sarah Hearts (Certain Hot, Famous) Democrats?

2008-09-11T15:35:00.002-04:00

Did Sarah smack that with a Democrat after all?

Naturally, it didn't take long for someone to add a little something to Matt Damon's interview in which he says that he reaaaaally needs to know whether Sarah thought the dinosaurs were here 4,000 years ago and characterizes her a "really bad Disney movie."

God I love those democratic Masshole Good Willing Hunting actors and cannot wait until Ben Affleck is a senator representing my beloved home state.

Here's the original interview, introduced to me by my friend Evie, in which Matt brings up some integral points that I wish people in red and swing states would finally begin to consider, especially on a day like today, when we are reminded of what can happen if we don't have a strong leader.

And here's the fucking follow-up.

Watch Out, Suburban Repubs

2008-09-10T10:10:00.003-04:00

This truck had a McCain/Palin bumper sticker on it. I swear.

Denim Shirt+Rifle+Aquanet=White House?

2008-09-09T18:08:00.003-04:00

People may think I'm wrong about the American flag bikini, but Newsweek says this is truly not photoshopped.

Perhaps the most disturbing thing is that there's no need for it to be . . . Sarah seems to think a hobby like this makes her somehow more qualified to lead a country at war.

Article here.

Dress Like Me

2008-09-09T17:07:00.003-04:00

So, as a result of Americans desperately holding on to their honeymoon period with Sarah Palin, the polls aren't looking good. This is sad. I'll make a totally ageist statement here and say "We need more young people! They seem to be smarter! They will vote the way I want them to!"

MoveOn.org agrees. Actually, they thought of this awhile ago and have been raising money for a youth-registration program. Basically, you don't need to give much and you actually get something, and from American Apparel, who takes much of my money anyway. Their message below.

Last week, more than 90,000 MoveOn members chipped in more than a million dollars to launch our youth-registration program—and each got a cool Obama shirt in the process.

The program is off to a great start. We've already opened offices in a dozen states, and canvassers are hitting the pavement and signing up tons of young Obama voters every day.

But right now, we don't have enough money to keep these canvassers going full-speed for the next 3-4 weeks until the voter-registration deadlines hit.

We've been giving out Obama T-shirts along with each donation of at least $12. But we need more resources—fast—to keep this program going. So we're offering you a special deal: If you contribute just $8 TODAY, we'll send you an Obama shirt free.

Click here to chip in and get your shirt:
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=25624&id=13759-10459839-0u05MWx&t=4
The race is tightening amongst registered voters—new polls even show it tilting towards the McCain/Palin ticket for the first time.

The key to Obama winning this fall is expanding that list of registered voters. That's the work these canvassers are doing: registering new voters to tip the balance in the states where it matters most.

And they'll be out there wearing the same T-shirts you'll be receiving. These American Apparel shirts are high-quality, American-made, and union-printed—and they're a great way to make a difference.

Also, I promise I am not encouraging others to spend their money as a way to gain good karma without spending my own. I bought one too!

Polar Bears Turn Green

2008-09-09T11:56:00.000-04:00

Sarah Palin has got to be behind this. Maybe that's why it's in Japanese, in disguise!

I'm just saying.

John Hates Chelsea/Arianna Hearts Alec

2008-09-08T16:14:00.003-04:00

And I heart her for letting crazy yet surprisingly lucid celebrities blog! In this post from Saturday, offered up by my friend Evie and titled "John McCain Is Not George Bush, Sarah Palin Is," actor Alec Baldwin reveals why he is fearful of the Republican ticket. This passage is particularly frightening, because people seem to be overlooking the fact that it is very possible:

"John McCain is, statistically, more likely to die or suffer some catastrophic illness during his first term than any other man that has sought the office. Who would succeed him? George Bush would succeed him. Someone with no record. No experience. Only question marks."

Also love that he concludes with a random postscript apologizing for some shit-talking about Scrubs and My Name is Earl. Who knows?

I'd also urge people to remember this: "Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno." John McCain may also be the only presidential candidate who's ever been classless enough to publicly call an opponent's daughter "ugly." Not only is attacking a teen girl about her looks the easiest and meanest insult, McCain wasn't even professional enough to use a euphemism. Steven Leser reminds us here.

Sex On Skates

2008-09-08T14:14:00.001-04:00

NY Mag's slideshow of pics of our boyf.

Enjoy!

Rock It Out, Van Palin

2008-09-08T13:10:00.000-04:00

Those rumors that Sarah Palin thought about naming her baby Van Palin, on purpose?

Not lies. Baby Trig's full name is Trig Paxson Van Palin, as reported here in this totally non-ironic news story from Alaska's NBC news affiliate.

Trig has the same birthday as Suri Cruise, another mysterious little kid thing with a weird name association (it's been speculated that Suri is named for Surrey, England, which supposedly has strong Scientology ties).

"Rush Limbaugh In A Skirt"

2008-09-08T12:57:00.002-04:00

I didn't know who Lisa Bloom was until I came across this video this afternoon. Apparently she is a lawyer and host of her own show on TruTV. And while she sounds to be a bit of a bulldog when it comes to lawsuits (she made a name for herself suing the Boy Scouts and the Catholic Church), we all know that's better than being a pitbull.

What I liked about Lisa in the CNN segment is that she put things into perspective, reminding viewers of the facts that are getting lost in the morning-after post-Palin-speech haze. Example:

"We're not talking about the issues, like the fact that she doesn't believe in global warming or sex ed, we're talking about her hair, her clothes her makeup, and the fact that some men find her sexy."

Lisa also reasonably compares Palin with another lady a certain politico found sexy, remembering, "It reminds me of Monica Lewinsky's lipstick and how after her Barbara Walters interview everybody wanted to know what shade that was."

Palin herself might do well to take note of these things: After all, her state more than any other is feeling the effects of this "non-manmade" global warming situation, is it not?

Help!

2008-09-08T11:34:00.002-04:00

John McCain is officially ahead of Barack Obama in the polls, with the percentages at 50% to 46%.

Which means that even with the margin of error, he is still ahead.

T-Minus 59

2008-09-05T19:19:00.001-04:00

There's 60 days left on our warranty. For the next 60 days, as bad as it is, we know what we're getting in Washington. Mispronunciation, the danger of pretzels now that it's football season, and a good ol' boy that's good ol' clueless.

We have 60 days 'til we find out what happens next.

It appears I'm vaguely obsessed with this; or rather, with the absurdity of what comes out under a deadline like this. So after incessantly interrupting my coworkers to tell them Bristol's baby daddy is a hottie and more people watched Obama than watched some eps of American Idol, I thought I'd just put it all here, where there's a more democratic color scheme.

Read, admire Levi, and think about voting for everyone's favorite long-legged mac daddy.